96 Hilarious Anti-Jokes

Anti-jokes are a unique form of humor that challenges traditional joke structures and expectations. Unlike conventional jokes and riddles, which aim to elicit laughter through clever wordplay or unexpected punchlines, anti-jokes deliberately subvert these elements, often resulting in a dry and absurd outcome. The essence of an anti-joke lies in its intentional avoidance of humor in the traditional sense, aiming to surprise and confuse the listener rather than make them laugh outright.

Anti-jokes have been around since comedy existed, with stand-up comedians Andy Kaufman and Norm McDonald two of the genre’s biggest anti-joke comedians. Both were hilarious comics who thrived on irony, anti-climax, and the violation of expected comedic patterns. They would tell gags that began as a typical joke but offered a surprising twist that was far from humorous. Instead of a witty punchline, you got a mundane or non-sensical response absent of humor.

What makes anti-jokes work is the absurdity of the gags due to the absence of traditional comedy structures. The strange nature of these jokes and the anti-climatic payoff are sometimes so disjointed you can’t help but laugh. These jokes push the boundaries of what we find funny and challenge our cognitive processes, inviting us to re-evaluate our understanding of humor.

Anti-jokes often employ dark or taboo subject matter, adding an additional layer of complexity and surprise. This blend of unexpectedness and societal discomfort can elicit a reaction that lies somewhere between confusion, shock, and amusement. Anti-jokes allow us to explore the boundaries of what is socially acceptable in humor, often leading to introspection and reflection on our own biases and sensitivities.

To help you understand what these jokes are all about, with collected some of the most ridiculous anti-jokes for you to enjoy below. They won’t be for everyone, but those with a dark or absurd sense of humor will probably get a kick out of some of these gags.

96 Hilarious Anti-Jokes

  1. I’m on a seafood diet. It is going to be really tough for me, I lost a bet to a friend and the problem is I am a vegetarian.
  2. What do you call a fly with no wings? A fly. The irony is unfortunate, but the name doesn’t change.
  3. A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave as they spot the potential danger of the situation.
  4. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where’s my tractor?
  5. Why are T-Rexs unable to clap their hands? Because they are extinct.
  6. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper replies, “What, you have a drink called Steve?”
  7. What is red and extremely bad for your teeth? A flying brick.
  8. A duck walks into a pharmacy. He approaches the pharmacist at the counter and says, “I need some ointment for this rash on my beak.” The pharmacist replies, “Sorry, we don’t have medicine for ducks here.”
  9. What kind of fish doesn’t swim? A dead fish.
  10. John: “Ask me if I’m a tree.” Sarah: “Are you a tree?” John: “No.”
  11. What did number seven say to number nine? Nothing, numbers don’t talk.
  12. Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was very surprised.
  13. What’s sad about the four black men driving off a cliff? They were my friends.
  14. A group of ducks flew overhead in a V formation.
  15. What do you call a person who wears a wig? Bald.
  16. What ended after 1984? 1985.
  17. I can still remember my Grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
  18. What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
  19. Why did the ant stop for a drink of water? It was thirsty.
  20. A man went to a Chinese restaurant but was struggling to use chopsticks so the server gave him a fork.
  21. What did one German man say to the other German man? I have no idea, I can’t speak German.
  22. A man caught a goldfish one day and it said to him “If you let me go, I’ll grant you three wishes!” The man was committed to a mental institution soon after for severe schizophrenia.
  23. How do you make a French guy cry? Murder his family.
  24. Why did the dinosaur say “hello” to the little girl? He was being polite.
  25. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  26. How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house? This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
  27. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Stolen! Make sure you return it before the rightful owners prosecute you.
  28. My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn’t have a headphone jack.
  29. What do you call a talking turtle? A cartoon.
  30. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. 
  31. Do you know what’s really odd? Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
  32. What do you call a washing machine that won’t wash dishes anymore? Broken.
  33. A proton walks into a bar. No one noticed it because protons are tiny and everywhere.
  34. What did Batman say to Robin before he got into the Batmobile? Robin! Get in the Batmobile!
  35. A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar. They have a pleasant time discussing a variety of topics because they are friends.
  36. Take my wife now, please! We have run out of gas and she is late for work.
  37. What do you call an Australian plumber? A plumber.
  38. Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink? Because they can’t dress themselves.
  39. A guy walks into a library looking for a book on suicide. The librarian asks, “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
  40. What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance.
  41. If you paint a black house with red paint, what do you get? A red house.
  42. What is a dog’s favorite form of social media? None, as dogs can’t use social media.
  43. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”
  44. And the horse says, “I’ve just realized I’m a metaphysical construct within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence.”
  45. What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo? “This ain’t my first rodeo!”
  46. Yo mama so fat… she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious health issue.
  47. An apple a day is extremely poor form if you sell apples for a living.
  48. What is yellow and something you shouldn’t drink? A school bus.
  49. Where was the Constitution signed? At the bottom.
  50. What do you call someone who counts all of the boxes of pencils at the pencil factory? A warehouse manager.
  51. I know a good knock-knock joke, but someone else has to start it.
  52. What is a pirate’s favorite letter? They probably didn’t have one, as history points to the fact that most pirates were illiterate.
  53. A man died after eating 300 hot dogs. The moral of the story is don’t eat 300 hot dogs.
  54. Why did the man put hot water in the freezer? Because he wanted to make ice cubes for his guest’s drinks.
  55. What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
  56. A bartender walks into a bar, he was off to work for the night.
  57. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it passed out.
  58.  If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… Then illegal logging company I invested in is paying off.
  59. What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
  60. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
  61. What happens if you put red wine in the fridge? It gets cold.
  62. Why are there no Jewish people on Uranus? The nature of the planet does not sustain human life.
  63. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends… But you can’t rob a bank. That’s a felony.
  64. What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
  65. I like my coffee how I like my coffee. Coffee.
  66. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? “I lost my tractor.” 
  67. How many eggs do chickens lay? Average one every 24-48 hours.
  68. What has 2 thumbs and won’t crap? Me because I am constipated.
  69. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
  70. Where do polar bears vote? They don’t because polar bears have no political views.
  71. What should you do if you get a scratch from a piece of metal? Get a tetanus shot.
  72. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
  73. What do you call a medical student that graduated last in their class? Doctor.
  74. Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other? It has more ducks.
  75. What does Santa Claus do over Easter? Relax.
  76. A black person walked into a bar. They ordered a drink, drank it, and then left.
  77. What do you call a dog with no legs? A dog with no legs.
  78. Doctor: I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Patient: What’s the bad news? Doctor: You’re dying! Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: There’s an open mic night tonight downtown. You should go because it’s good to have a bit of levity in this cruel life.
  79. What would happen if you asked dinosaurs to a dinner party? Nothing as dinosaurs don’t exist.
  80. Why did the man have a nosebleed? Because he got punched in the face.
  81. What do you call a Japanese man in the shower? A Japanese man in the shower.
  82. If a red car is red and a blue car is blue, what is a green car? Green.
  83. What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your caramel apple. They usually cost more.
  84. Mary had a little lamb… and the doctor fainted.
  85. What is funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my cousins.
  86. Why is there no aspirin in the rainforest? Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a vastly unpopulated rainforest.
  87. If a drink looks like Coke and tastes like Coke, what is it? Coke.
  88. Why didn’t Michael go to the party? He wasn’t invited.
  89. How do you tell a joke to a deaf person? I don’t know as I don’t know sign language.
  90. What do you call ice cream that is chocolate flavored? Chocolate ice cream.
  91. Do you know why people are afraid to visit Rachel’s house? Because it’s haunted.
  92. Why did little Johnny smash open his piggy bank? He wanted his money.
  93. What do you call a dog that can’t find its way home? Lost.
  94. I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  95. What did the man ask when he approached the bar? “Can I have a beer, please?”
  96. Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.

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